Done "fishing" for now.

In the wake of last week's POF incident, I have taken down my profile on the site.  Of course I have done that before only to reinstate it at a later date.  You know me, just a glutton for punishment.  I am keeping up my latest match.com profile for now.  Things are moving slowly on there at the moment.  There are so many tales I have yet to share that I've got stashed away.  I can keep everyone entertained for a while yet! 

match.com.. again

A few weeks ago, I took down my long standing match.com profile.  I'd used the same one for 5-6 years now.  Same screen name, same pics (some new some old), same write up.  I'd canceled it last month for good.  I finally just decided to erase it all together, and start fresh.  I am always the optimist, so I thought maybe an all new profile would do me some good.  I started all over, new pics, new screen name, and newer, simpler write up.  It's been a couple of weeks and I've not met anyone new.  Actually a bunch of the same guys I'd either talked to, or rejected in the past are giving the "new me" a chance.  Too funny, I guess I should not have expected different.  But it's worth giving it another month.  As always, at least I'll get some good stories out of it.  I also have to thank Sarah and Dave for going through match.com with me Monday night and helping me "wink" at some new guys.  It's fun to get someone else's opinion.  Of course it's also always fun to pick out the weirdos and laugh at them too!  I had a blast.

Got Pix?

Sunday night I decided to log into Plenty Of Fish to see what was new.  I hadn't logged in for a while, pretty much giving up on the site.  I found an e-mail from a 28 year old (somewhat cute) guy from RI.  His e-mail caught my eye since it was unusually normal for POF.  A copy of the text follows:

It's really hard to find people on this site that are on for the right reasons as well as that are real. I have been on the site a couple months now and let me tell you, Its crazy out there in the internet dating world. You come across some weird people on here, and a lot of them are immature and just looking to get attention from the opposite sex.
I'm sure you have gotten some silly emails as well. Especially the classic one liner emails hahaha don't be shocked but girls do it too... I think that if you are interested in someone then you need to put forth a great effort to do so, and that comes in all aspects of life, unfortunately some people don't get it.

So anyways... tell me a lil bit about yourself, like where are you originally from, What's your occupation, and what do you like to do in your spare time etc.
How long have you been single? I have been single a little over a year now and I just started getting back into the dating scene once again.

Ok I think I rambled enough for the first email, just getting the conversation flowing :o) So if your up for chatting that would be great. Hey...what's the harm in that
Hope your having a great day and I look forward to hearing from you soon....

Based on this, I decided to drop this guy a line.  It turned out we shared some interests, and seemed like we were looking for the same things.  After the second e-mail exchange I was so excited at the prospect that I jumped in and swapped phone numbers with him.  Just an hour or so later, Joe sent me a text message.  We went back and forth exchanging pleasantries and talking about our jobs.  He asked if I had any more pics I'd like to share.  I sent him a few I had on my phone, that were recent and somewhat flattering.  He sent me one of him, and as he'd been on the site, he was absolutely adorable.  Next he asked for a "body shot" and I made the major mistake of saying "sure" thinking he just meant a shot of him standing (not a head shot).  What he sent me was a picture of his hairy man gut in the mirror.  Nothing to brag about, as it appeared he was working on a set of 30 pack abs!  I was perplexed, but not nearly as stunned as I was to receive his follow up.  Yes, folks.. he sent me a picture of his penis.  There it was in all it's glory.. standing at attention and all!  I debated about what to say in response.. or whether to respond at all.  After a while, he asked me to send a pic of myself.  I decided to respond with "I thought you were not like all those other weirdos on the web site?"  To which he responded with "Really.. I'm not, I just think you're cute!  How bout some pics?".  When I didn't respond he waited till yesterday morning to start texting me asking where the pics are.  I kept on ignoring, here we are on Thursday night.. and he's still texting and I'm still ignoring him.  I really think it may be time to take down that POF profile for good.

ArdentChrome

I don't think I will ever get over how very dim some of these online daters are.  A 33 year old guy going by the screen name ArdentChrome contacted me via Plenty of Fish.  His opening e-mail to me posed the question; "What is your favorite color?" and nothing more.  I responded, and his return e-mail asked about my favorite bands, ok, this is pretty basic get to know you stuff.  His next e-mail posed the question; "I see you work retail, are you in management?  It says you have an associates degree, and I just don't know what kind of job that can get you.".  Yeah, thanks doofus... I can see insulting strangers is a hobby of yours.  This turned me off big time (not to mention that his pic looked like a 19 year old computer nerd who never leaves his basement).  I ignored this question, deciding I didn't need to get to know anyone who questioned my job and education.  He didn't give up, and sent me an e-mail the next day.  "I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime? I think we have a lot in common and you seem really cool".  Perhaps he was feeling bad about his previous comment, I don't know.  I won't be finding out.

Haven't we met somewhere before?

I had two recent experiences on Plenty of Fish that were nearly identical.  I got an e-mail from a guy with the screen name "LegalbriefsNV".  I immediately recognized the screen name and picture as a guy named Ron who had contacted me on match.com a few months back.  He wrote me saying he liked my profile, and would like to get to know me.  Now I don't use the same pictures on both sites, but they are similar enough that one should be able to tell I am the same person.  This was embarrassing as Ron clearly didn't know we'd gone this route before.  We had e-mailed back and forth a handful of times on match.com and suddenly he stopped responding.  I thought about it a few days, then decided to respond to him and make a joke about it.  I responded to his POF e-mail saying "Hey, this is funny but we've met before!".  I explained about match.com and asked him why he'd stopped writing.  He wrote back asking if he could have my cell number.  He thought if we texted each other, there would be less chance of losing contact again.  I sent him my number, and he did indeed text me a few times.  Each one was something random and creepy like "hey gorgeous" or "hi there pretty girl".  After a few days, he disappeared again.  As a strange aside I'd like to point out that on match.com he listed his age as 37.. on POF he listed it as 43.  That's a good size gap, and you'd think someone would know their age!  See ya, Ron!

Next guy did the same thing.  I got an e-mail on POF from a guy named Chris going by the screen name Coz42.  Again I recognized the screen name and profile pic from match.com.  Chris had been e-mailing me on match maybe a year or two ago.  It ended the same way, a bunch of e-mails, things going well.. then a sudden disappearance.  He wrote to me on POF as if he'd never met me before.  This time I decided that enough time had gone by since our match.com meeting, that I didn't need to bring attention to it.  I'd remembered liking him, and having a bit in common.  I wrote him back once or twice, then he again disappeared.  I see he's still active on both sites, but I will only give someone two shots before I move on.  Bon Voyage, Chris!

We're not getting any younger!

A few nights ago, I was prowling match.com.  I had been looking to see if one of my conquests had e-mailed me back.. I was being impatient and left myself logged in.  The danger of doing this, is that people see you are online and they can IM you.  Now I have only gotten a few IMs on match.com and they were all from creepy foreign sounding men.  This night I got an IM from a local guy.  Vinnie (something) is 36 and lives in Westbrook.  He had a nice picture posted, and his profile sounded promising.  Based on this, I accepted his IM and started conversing with him.  It started out normal enough, introductions, small talk, and the inevitable question, "What brings you to match.com?"  Vinnie asked me if I'd wanted to have children one day.  This is a fair question, since my profile is vague on the subject.  Vinnie really wants kids, and is looking for a long term relationship and someone to raise a family with.  I told him truthfully that I would be willing to raise children if and when I met the right guy.  This is when things got weird.  He seemed to be in a hurry to determine if I was his Ms. Right.  He made it clear that he's looking for the mother of his children, and not interested in casual dating.  At this point he told me "we're not getting any younger you know".  Excuse me!!  Speak for yourself.. Last I checked men could procreate till the day they die.  As a woman it's my job to worry about my biological clock, I certainly didn't need this guy (whom I hadn't even met yet) to get on my case about it.  I promptly closed the IM and blocked him from my match.com profile.  Adios Vinnie!

Plenty of Fish=Plenty of weird e-mails

I have come to notice that most people who use the dating site Plenty of Fish lack the ability to form a complete e-mail.  Call me old fashioned, but to me an e-mail should be like writing someone a note or a letter.  Most of what these characters come up with is one sentence.. sometimes not even a complete one.  Here are some of the more entertaining and/or creepy things I have received;

Hi, how are you and what is your favorite color?

Hi.
I have 9 tattoos, I like chicks with tatts.

I'd like some of that

U R gorgeous

What are you doing tonight?  (from someone I don't know)

You have beautiful eyes I would like to get to know you.

Hello there.

Do you date black men?

I played football in high school and college, I work out regularly and my best feature is my back. (He included picture of his back).


Is that a Jeep in your picture?  (guess it wasn't me he was interested in in the picture)

I prefer to date locally, as I have a degenerative eye condition that makes it hard for me to drive at night.

Are you into older guys?

I am built like a football player and I have 3 foot wide shoulders.  I would love to treat you the way you've always wanted to be treated.  I am the guy all girls want, but never go for.  I will wine and dine you.

I don't do a lot of activities in the summer, as I over heat easily. 

I don't have a profile pic because someone hacked my computer and used my picture for inappropriate things, and I'm not even joking.

Criss Cross Tomato?

I will back up a few weeks to the date that wasn't.  I met John on Plenty of Fish the first time I signed up for the site.  I was on the site for only a week or so.  I left suddenly when one of the other guys I had been corresponding with got a little too pushy and began to freak me out.  I had already given John my personal e-mail but he had not been using it.  I didn't think to tell him that I was leaving the site, and when I did he finally wrote me on my AOL account.  He expressed his regrets that he may have said something to offend me.  I was taken with his concern, and since he seemed like a genuine guy, I kept writing to him.  He mentioned that he liked to get to know someone on the phone before meeting in person, so we swapped numbers.  He began texting me almost daily.  We arranged to meet once, but I had to cancel at the last minute.  We continued to get to know each other through texting for a few weeks and I felt comfortable with him.  I really just wanted to meet him in person and see if there was any chemistry.  Regardless of how someone comes off in e-mails or phone calls, there is no substitute for a face to face encounter.  We arranged to meet before work one day.  I didn't have to be to the store till 1pm, and it left plenty of time for coffee.  I made plans to meet John at the DD across from Clinton Crossings.  I figure it's a busy spot, nice an safe and near to work.  I got there ahead of time and waited in my car.  As I wasn't sure what John looked like, I asked him what kind of car he drove so I'd be able to spot him.  He told me a black Chevy pick up.  I was not surprised when a guy in a black Chevy Colorado (with the words Criss Cross Tomato keyed into the side) parked next to me and rolled down his window.  John didn't exactly introduce himself, but rather just started talking.  Mostly about the traffic, his plans for the day, etc.  After a few minutes I began to wonder if I should suggest we go inside for coffee.  He made no moves to get out of his truck, and I don't think he shut the engine off either.  He rather just sat there talking through the open window.  After more chat about this that and the other thing, I began to realize he had no plans to get out of the car.  I would have suggested it, but at this point I was feeling kind of awkward.  The more John talked the less interested I became.  He talked a lot about his family, and complained about them to.  It seemed no matter what he talked about, he'd state a positive then turn around and complain.  The deal breaker came when he gave my Dodge Caliber a once over and asked me "so, do you like that thing?".  There was no mistaking the look of distaste on his face.. bad move, John.  No one makes fun of my vehicles.  I got super defensive and explained to him my decision process in choosing that car over any other.  Then I realized that I had no reason to explain myself or my car to him.  I looked at him and asked "well what the heck is Criss Cross Tomato?"  He didn't know... it just launched him into complaining about the cost of getting it re painted.  Thankfully it was time to go to work, so I excused myself.  He did send me a text the next day saying it was nice to meet me, and that the traffic going home was awful.  I don't remember what I said in response, but I have never heard from him again.  I wondered for a while why he didn't get out of his truck.  I guess it could have been many reasons.. but in the end he insulted my car.  That is what I won't forget.  See ya, John!

To Give Up or Not to Give Up?

So I had been toying with the idea of (once again) abandoning online dating.  I would like to meet someone at some point, but I find the online aspect of things just too frustrating.  I feel like nothing should be this hard and take so much effort.  I was about to call it quits this morning when TWO guys sent me their numbers.  Two guys named Paul, one from match.com and one from Plenty of Fish and no they are not the same person.  They both expressed desire to chat somewhere other than the dating sites.  I responded with my number (which I don't give out too freely) and got text messages from both of them within minutes of each other.  This was sort of funny because I wasn't sure which one was which.  Neither gave their name in the text, and since they are both Paul's that would not have mattered anyway.  I had to run back to my computer and re-read their e-mails to get them straight.  So far Paul from POF has kept texting, the other has not.  I guess I'll give these guys a shot and see what happens. 

Friday Night

So I gave Allan the benefit of the doubt till today.  I still have not heard from him, so I assume he was as non impressed with our date as I was.  What a bummer.  I guess I should not build these things up so much.. but it feels good to be hopeful.  That said, on to next!  I have gone out on a limb and given my match.com screen name and password to a few of my friends at work (so they could have free reign to e-mail or wink at anyone they want).  Hey, it can't hurt at this point as I'm not doing to well on my own.  I asked a friend for a male opinion.  He suggested I try the supermarket.  LOL.  All I could think of was myself standing in the frozen food aisle using the age old line.. "you should not stand in the frozen food section, because you could melt all this stuff".  Hmm... maybe another time.  I don't feel like hanging out at Stop and Shop on Friday night. 

Nothing Juicy

So, it had been well over a year since the last time I went on a real date.  Needless to say this one held some high expectations.  Not only did I hope it went well, but everyone I know was waiting with baited breath to hear how it went.  Imagine my disappointment that there really was nothing to report.  I met Allan on Match.com a few weeks ago.  He'd contacted me first, and since he seemed harmless I swapped e-mails with him for a few days.  We moved on to texting, and he faithfully sent me a text every night around 9pm for the past week.  Now he is a very nice guy.  He has a job, all his teeth (I assume real), a car, and he's a bowler like me.  He went on about how he "sucks" at bowling, but never the less pointing out that his average was higher than mine.  Is that an insult or not, I'm not sure.. Anyway, one of his parting comments to me was "go bowl a 200 game tonight".  So, what do I do?  I got darn close and bowled my personal best game yet.. a 192.  I sent him a text to let him know.  I got nothing, perhaps I crushed his ego?  Who knows.  At least the food was good and he picked up the tab for lunch. 

Seen and Heard on eHarmony

Since my Facebook status comment on eHarmony participants got such attention, I thought I'd share more of my favorite funny things seen on the site. Enjoy!!

*WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR LEISURE TIME?

I like the beach. The waves for me insinuate the waves of uncertainty life could bring towards you. Stand tall, stand strong, and awlays keep your head up. The wave will pass you by in time.

I stay at home because I don't have a car.

anime, women, gaming, blondes, movies, blue eyes

Playing on my tractor

Not working. (this is from the 33 year old semi-retired dude)

I play various kinds of European folk music on accordion, and also play for King Ludwig's Bavarian Band ... I also lived in Switzerland for about 5 years, love the culture, and am fluent in German. I can yodel.

I play chamber music, and competitive ballroom dance.

*WHAT ARE YOU MOST THANKFUL FOR?

When awak in the morning I am still able to breath.

My music ability, My witty cleverishness, My wave.

My natural endowment

My weekend job at a local planetarium

being unique, my farm tractor, my attorney


*OCCUPATION:

I work in a Psychiatric Institute with adults who suffer from mental illness

i work (well, duh..now tell us what you do!)

I am semi-retired (age 33)

Homemaker

Squash Professional

*WHAT ARE YOU MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT?

Stuff that is fun.

stuff (apparently this guy doesn't discriminate against stuff that may not be fun)

*THE LAST BOOK YOU READ AND ENJOYED:

humm I dont know if I can think that far back.Honestly I think one of my favorites is Charlots web.Ya I dont read much.

*LAMEST REASONS FOR CLOSING A MATCH:

I am pursuing another relationship (ok, so why are you on eHarmony then!)

the physical distance between us is too great (coming from a guy in Middletown, CT not that far, dude!)

I want to concentrate on other matches (gee, thanks I feel good now!)

*WORST PHOTO:

A guy leaning against what appears to be a big trash can, filled with trash.

dressed as Elton John for Halloween, next to Quasimodo (wasn't too sure who was who)

*MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON IN YOUR LIFE:

My friend Dimebag Darrel (I can't wait to meet good ol' Dimebag!)

*WHAT CAN'T YOU LIVE WITHOUT

beer

stimulating people

Trying something new!

I have found there are two things that everyone who visits my Facebook page love to read.  My random facts, and my online dating stories.  Some of them have been nothing more than strange things I have seen and heard on sites like Match.com, eHarmony, OKCupid, Chemistry, Yahoo Personals and Plenty of Fish.  Yup, I've tried them all.  Someone suggested to me that I write a blog about my misadventures.  I guess I'll give it a shot.. and I'd love to hear stories from others.  I have a lunch date tomorrow afternoon.  Hopefully this will provide a great first official story for my new blog!  Till next time.